The Strangeness of Consciousness: Stray Observations from My Morning Meditation

A stray observation from my meditation this morning: being alive is really weird.

As I sat on my cushion and tried to be with my breath and in the moment, I did my best to use mindfulness to reflect and observe myself. I paid closer and closer attention to my thoughts and feelings and had a few realizations:

Firstly, I’m a solipsistic, narcissist whose every thought and feeling centers around me and my needs. That’s not shocking, I suppose because that describes everyone to some extent. But as I sat with myself, I saw how self-centered my conscious state is. No wonder most of the world’s religions try to take our self-centered gaze and try to direct it elsewhere, whether in compassion or through God because left to our own devices as humans, we are often violent and selfish.

Secondly, unless directed intentionally, almost all of my thoughts and feelings are about my own survival. One way to put it: my body and mind form what I perceive as me, Anthony, the therapist and writer, who has a projected self-image about what I do and who I am. My body or ego’s job primary job is to do two things: have me survive today and procreate so my DNA can survive beyond my death.